


You're Not My Brother?

by kirallie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon Dean Winchester, M/M, Magic, Memory Alteration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-27 14:41:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirallie/pseuds/kirallie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Sam wept over Dean's torn up body a horrible truth made itself known. What would Sam choose to believe?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

Sam cradled Dean's cooling body in his arms, leaning in to kiss the blood coated lips. He ran a hand through the blood encrusted blonde hair, wanting his brother back more than anything. Sam lowered his head to Dean's, forehead to forehead and that's when everything went strange. Sam moaned in pain, head spinning as two conflicting sets of memories struggled to take dominance in his mind. He whimpered, eyes shut, as he struggled to work out what was happening. But then the defining memory swam to the front.

_Sam sat at the table alone, sipping his beer, as he watched the people around him. He touched his Dad's journal gently, the only thing he really had let of the man other than his car. Sam finished and decided it was time to head back to his room. He headed for the Impala only to stumble, head spinning; he braced a hand on the cars roof, dropping the keys._

" _Take it easy Sammy, had a bit much to drink little brother." A voice called and Sam looked up, vision blurred._

" _Who?" He mumbled and then gentle hands caught him, holding him up._

" _Easy Sam, it's me Dean. Just relax kiddo; I'll get you back to the motel."_

" _Wha….n….no….don't know…" Sam slurred, trying to get away but his body refused to respond, limbs heavy as he slumped in unfamiliar arms. Or where they? He felt so strange and confused._

" _Shh little brother." A voice breathed in his ear and Sam whimpered. Brother? He didn't have a brother? Did he? "It's okay, I'm gonna take care of you." It promised and Sam felt himself relaxing, yes, his brother would look after him. Sam's head was so heavy, falling back to rest on a warm shoulder and glazed hazel eyes stared at the blurred figure holding him._

" _D…Dean?" Sam mumbled, eyes starting to slip closed._

" _Yeah Sammy, just sleep it off kiddo. I'll look after you." Dean promised and Sam's world went black._

_Dean lifted the unconscious hunter into his arms and set him into the passenger seat, smiling as he got into the driver's. "Nice ride for a hunter." He praised despite Sam being unable to hear him. He drove back to the young mans motel and checked him out of his room before booking a room with two beds. He then got Sam inside and onto the bed farthest from the door, setting things up to make it look like two people had been sharing the room for several days. He went through Sam's possessions, rubbing the cream he'd been given over every photo so that when Sam next looked at them he would see Dean in them as well. He was careful to make sure he went through everything, not wanting anything to perhaps jog Sam's true memory. He got out the last thing he needed and slipped the thin band around Sam's wrist, sealing the spell in place. Sam shifted slightly in distress but then relaxed utterly in a deep sleep. Once it was all done Dean stripped down and went to bed._

_Sam woke up the next morning feeling sick and disorientated. He whimpered but got up and staggered for the bathroom, collapsing over the toilet to throw up. A warm hand pushed his hair back and then wiped his face with a cool cloth before he was given a glass of water. Sam blinked blearily and then looked up._

" _Hey Sammy, bet you're regretting drinking last night."_

" _Jerk." Sam mumbled and Dean chuckled. Sam glared and then turned to throw up again, Dean supporting him._

" _Okay let's get you back to bed." Dean whispered in deference to Sam's headache. Sam nodded lethargically, clinging to his brother the whole way back._

Sam sat up, dropping Dean's body as he scrambled back until his back hit the wall and he stared in horror at the body. Dean….Dean wasn't his brother, he'd put him under some sort of spell while Sam was vulnerable and grieving. Sam tried to work it out, figure out why Dean had done it. What had been the point? Sam forced himself to his feet and stumbled over to the body, pulling it up with shaking hands. No matter what had happened he couldn't leave the body behind, couldn't leave evidence.

Sam laid Dean's body out on the bed and then went to Dean's things, digging through them for anything that could tell him what Dean was or why he had done what he had done. He couldn't help occasionally glancing at the body, created memories screaming that it was his big brother lying there. Luckily they'd been staying in an abandoned house so no one would realise there was a dead body around. He searched through all of Dean's gear and then went back out to the car, searching every crevice until he found a battered journal. He took it inside and sat on the bed, opening it cautiously. Inside he found Dean's familiar hand writing and bit his lip in pain before shaking his head. It wasn't real, it shouldn't hurt…..but it did. It hurt so much to find his brother, his lover, wasn't real.

_Saw him today. Don't know why they want me doing this. It'd be easier to just make the kid want to do what they want rather than altering his entire memory but hey, what the bosses want they get. Do what they say or be sent back and earth is definitely better than hell. Even got a nice body out of the deal. Apparently the brat just lost his Dad so he'll be pretty easy to manipulate. A nice easy job, pity I'd prefer killing or torturing him to making nice._

Sam paused and flipped further in, hands shaking. Hell….Dean was a demon. He'd been sleeping with a demon for almost 2 years. He felt sick. He didn't want to read more but he had to figure out what they, whoever they were, wanted with him.

_Well it's been a week and Sam's treating me like he's known me all his life so it's safe to say it worked. And hey now I have a kick ass car too since as the eldest it would have been given to me. It's weird, hunting with him but I'm getting used to it. The spells on me are working too, nothing we've come across as been able to detect I'm not who I appear to be. It's so frustrating playing the protective, loving big brother, half the time I just want to rip the bastards' throat out! He is so…..whiny and needy it's sickening._

Sam flipped in even further, glancing over at the body with tears in his eyes. He didn't know what hurt more, that his brother wasn't real or that he had wanted to kill him. But then why? It didn't make sense. He came to an entry dated about six months after his Dad had died and read it, seeing the extra sloppiness to the writing and figuring something must have happened at that time.

_It's weird…..I figured I'd just be making myself put up with this kid for however long this takes but…..I think I actually like him. He's a great hunter which I hate, hated him for at first but now…..I don't. It's impossible to hate him anymore and how screwed up is that? I'm a demon! Hate comes naturally. He's just so…innocent still, despite everything he's been through. I feel bad that thanks to my work he thinks John died for me, ignored him just before he died. It's weird, the longer I work with him….the more I feel, the more human I feel. It isn't supposed to be like this. It's just a job, to earn my freedom._

Sam stopped, clutching the journal as he stared at the hound ravaged body. Was it true? Had Dean really started to care about him? Not that it changed anything. Dean had used him for something, had lied and manipulated him. But he was a demon, right? So that came with the territory.

_He kissed me. Shocked the hell out of me. I haven't been kissed…..I don't remember. If I was ever kissed it must have been when I was human and I don't remember anything from that time except the name Dean. Hell I don't even know if it's my name or someone who was once close to me. I don't know what to do. I feel so confused. And it's not like I can talk to anyone about this. Even writing this down is risky, sure Sam will think it's a porn magazine but anyone else can read this. But if I don't have this I think I'll go mad._

And now Sam was feeling sort of sorry for Dean. If it was true then Dean had once been human then again he'd had to have done something to end up in hell. The fact that he was Dean's first kiss was sort of odd; he could remember seeing Dean with women after the time mentioned in the journal as when Dean had bespelled him. Then again kissing wasn't necessary for what Dean had claimed to be doing with them. It explained a lot about Dean's reaction to Sam kissing him though, past the whole 'we're brothers' thing.

_TBC…._


	2. 2

Sam flipped through it more, reading the demons viewpoint of their various hunts and actually laughing at some of the snappy comments. Apparently being sarcastic was a genuine part of Dean's personality. The pranks had taken more work but Dean had really gotten into them once he'd figured out a balance between fun and harm.

_I….I think I love him. It's impossible, isn't it? I went along with it to keep him happy and with me but now….I can't imagine not being with him, not waking up beside him every morning. I can't do this anymore. I can't do that to him…..no matter the cost Sam will be safe. Screw the plan, I won't let that happen to him, I can't. I need him._

Sam stared at the entry, crying. Dean loved him, a demon loved him, wanted to keep him safe. Sam put the journal down and leant over Dean's body….even if technically it hadn't been Dean's. But…..what had happened to the person whose body it was? Had they been killed by the Hounds too or had Dean been given a dead body so that the other person wouldn't be able to tip Sam off if Dean slipped up? Sam got up and got some wet towels and the stuff he needed for stitches. He stripped Dean's body off and gently washed him down before stitching the various wounds closed. He couldn't just leave Dean like that and he'd been around so many corpses over the years that the smell didn't bother him. Once done he redressed Dean as best he could in what he usually wore to sleep since the material was a lot easier to manage the denim considering Dean was literally dead weight and starting to stiffen. Once that was done Sam went back to the journal, skipping forward until he found it, the time Azazel had taken him.

_Sam's gone. I knew it was coming and I was dumb to think I could stop it. I'm no match for Azazel. I don't know where the bastard's taken him but I will get him back…I just hope it's in time and he's still my Sam. If he gives in to the sick game…I'll lose him. I can't lose him, if I do…stupid thing is even if he isn't my Sammy when I find him I can't leave him. I'll help him destroy the world as long as I can be with him._

Sam swallowed; Dean had tried to save him from being taken. Dean had known what the Demon was planning and had tried to protect him. The next entry was water stained and smudged but still mostly legible.

_I…I failed…..Sammy's dead. It's my fault, if I hadn't distracted him…I've failed him. What do I do now? I have no mission…..no lover, family…nothing, I have nothing. I am nothing. Bobby's gone, he's not bad for a human…I like him, but he's not my Sammy. I need him…..there's only one thing…..I don't know if it'll work, if the spells are good enough to fool one of them but I have to try. If it doesn't work I don't know what I'll do. Try to find the Colt…..bullet to the head can't hurt more than this emptiness does…._

Sam didn't need to be told who Dean was talking about, the Crossroads demon. Dean had gone, not knowing if the demon would accept his soul or not but obviously it had worked. Whatever spell was used to make Dean seem human to what they hunted had been good enough to fool the demon and let him make the deal. It had been strong enough to fool Lilith herself!

_One year, I have one measly earth year left with him. It's not much but it will have to be enough. 365 days, 120 years hell time. Wish it could be measured in hell time. Guess I'm lucky in some way, unlike others who make a deal I know exactly what I'm in for down there. But it'll probably be a million times worse this time because they'll know what I've done, how I've betrayed them. But no matter what happens it was worth it for even a day more with Sam and the knowledge that he'll still be alive. I'll cling to the memory of him for as long as I can but I know eventually they'll make me forget him….I can only hope Sam's dead by then because sending me after him is something Alistair would do and enjoy it. Maybe I'll manage to hold onto his name, end up thinking it's mine._

Sam stared at the entry in horror, sobbing at Dean's words…he'd brought Sam back even knowing what would be done to him. Why? He wasn't worth that sort of sacrifice. How could Dean think he was worth an eternity of torture?

_Guess someone decided Sam needs the push I was meant to give. Ruby is such a bitch. And she has my old job….I'm doing everything I can to keep Sam away from her, after everything I've done I will not let him fall into that trap. If it's the last thing I do before being dragged back I'll kill her. I won't let her damn him. Finding him on a nearby rack because of her is not something I ever want to have happen._

Well that answered a bit about why Dean had been sent to him. Someone wanted him using his powers but…damn him? Would doing that really lead to him joining Dean one day? A nice thought if it were anywhere but there. Sam took a calming breath and went back to skimming the journal, eventually turning to the last entry. His hands shook as he prepared to read whatever Dean had written before dying, he must have done it while Sam was asleep after their marathon love making session, Dean's way of saying goodbye. Hey it was a day later and Sam was still feeling it.

_This is it, in a couple of hours I'll be 'home'. I'm terrified. I don't want to leave Sammy alone but I also don't want to go back. I knew what I was doing; I don't regret making the deal…I just wish Sam could have pulled a last minute miracle. Who am I kidding? Demons don't get miracles. I wonder if the spell will last past my death? Will Sammy still love me, grieve for me? Or will he remember and hate me? Be happy I'm gone? In a way I almost hope he does, just so he doesn't have to be sad. He's turned me into such a wimp. If the spell failed then maybe he'll find this. If you're reading this Sammy then…I love you. I'm not sorry I did this, better me than you. Go out and find yourself a nice girl and name your firstborn for me or something. Goodbye._

Sam let the journal fall from his hand and then he touched Dean's cold face and cried. He didn't know if it was real or not or if Dean had written those things because he knew Sam would read them one day but he didn't care. He was getting Dean back. If it wasn't real he'd kill him, use Ruby's knife to end it for good, he would give him that for every time Dean had saved his life and for dying for him. If it had all been real….could he live with Dean knowing what he was? He had a lot to ask Dean about their time together….he needed to hear it from Dean not just his journal. Well there was only one way to find out what he needed to hear. He had to work fast too, one year equally one hundred and twenty in hell was great motivation to move fast, he didn't want Dean down there any longer than necessary. He knew how to summon a demon already on earth and a Crossroads demon from hell so there had to be someway to pull a demon from hell. He had the body Dean had been using and the name Dean answered too so that could only help.

_TBC…._


	3. 3

Sam surveyed his work and nodded, it was ready, well as ready as it was going to get. Sam didn't know if it would work but it was his only option. He lifted Dean's once again limp body and set it inside the circle which was also inside a Devil's Trap to be safe, if he brought the wrong demon he didn't want it lose after all. Sam took Dean's drivers licence and put it on the plate along with the herbs and set them alight, whispering in Latin. He prayed silently, waiting for any sign that his home made ritual had worked but there was nothing. Just as he was going to give up though a small tendril of black smoke slipped through the floorboards inside the circle to hover over Dean's body. Sam froze, fascinated as it slipped into Dean's mouth only to be followed by a more normal sized demon cloud.

Dean's back arched off the floor and he coughed, curling into a defensive ball on the floor, wheezing for air. He was confused and cold, he didn't know where he was or what was happening, what new torture they'd come up with for the traitor. He struggled to get up and defend himself, not that it ever did any good. He snarled and tried to gather his powers only for nothing to happen and he felt a flash of terror. Had they done something to him? He tensed ready to fight, able to feel he wasn't alone even if his vision wasn't the best at the moment.

"Dean?" Sam called softly.

Dean froze as he heard the voice and then trembled, snarling louder. Not this, not again.

"Dean, it's me, it's Sammy." Sam tried but then frowned when Dean made a distressed sounding noise, shaking slightly as he tensed further, the stitched wounds obviously hurting. Sam got up and hesitated outside the trap. What if it wasn't Dean? "Dean please, look at me." He whispered, kneeling so he could see Dean's eyes.

Dean couldn't do it, he couldn't deny that voice and he slowly raised his head. He wasn't in Hell, that was a change. They usually made it seem like Sam was in hell with him, either to rescue him, to torture him or to share in his punishment. But…..the room seemed somehow familiar to him. The he saw him…or whatever had taken on his appearance. It was even more realistic than the last, right down to Sam's soft hazel eyes staring at him hopefully.

"Dean….is it you?" Sam whispered and Dean blinked at him, eyes flickering black briefly even as he tried to move further away only to hit the traps boundary. Dean whimpered in fear before snarling and Sam swallowed. "It's okay Dean….please answer me. Tell me it worked, that it's you." Sam pleaded.

"S…stop….not him….never him." Dean croaked and Sam frowned. Was he saying he wasn't Dean or….it'd had taken nearly a week for Sam to do this…that would be how long in hell? Had they….had they used Sam's image to torture Dean?

"Dean it's me, Sammy. Are you Dean? I….I didn't know if it'd work, if it'd bring you back or just any demon. Please." Sam begged and Dean collapsed to the floor but watched him warily.

"Dean." He whispered, he was Dean, Sammy's Dean, but this wasn't Sammy, it never was. He saw it smile softly and then reach down to the floor. Dean looked and saw the Devil's Trap.

"I'm gonna let you out, its okay Dean you're safe now." Sam promised as he broke the trap. Dean fell back without the barrier to support him and Sam moved closer only to start when Dean snarled, eyes black. He stepped back again, hands out to show he was unarmed. "Shh, it's okay, not gonna hurt you."

Dean snarled at the impostor, ready to fight but it backed off, hands up and that confused him. Usually by now they'd be hurting him so why wasn't it? He couldn't believe it was Sam, he couldn't. He went to move and then winced, feeling something weird. He looked down to find himself in a worn t-shirt and tracksuit pants…the clothes he'd slept in when with Sam. He pulled the shirt up to find stitches littering his skin…..stitches where he could remember feeling claws…..like he was actually in the body again and not just using its appearance in hell.

"I uh, cleaned you up, stitched what I could. Figured you'd want your body back in one piece."  
Sam explained when Dean stared at the stitches. Sam didn't flinch when black eyes met his and then the black slowly faded and Dean tried to get up only to fall. Sam rushed to his side, heedless of the danger a wounded demon could pose to him, and wrapped his arms around Dean's battered body. "Easy, take it easy. You're hurt Dean, you've been….uh 'dead' a week so the body probably feels a bit nasty. I did what I could to preserve it for you." Sam babbled as he eased Dean to his feet only to fall silent as a trembling hand touched his cheek, leaning into the still cool skin.

"S….Sammy?" Dean whispered, staring at him and Sam nodded. Dean stared at him in shock and fear, this couldn't be real but he wanted it to be so badly.

"I'm here Dean, I'm real." Sam whispered. "Come on; let's get you over to the bed." He gently took a step and Dean moved with him, leaning heavily on him. Sam set him on the mattress and watched sadly as Dean touched it in awe as if he'd never been on something so soft. Dean looked up at him and Sam smiled at him. "You need anything?" Sam asked softly.

"Need?" Dean asked in confusion. "I….water?" Dean asked as if expecting to be told no but Sam grabbed a bottle and held it to Dean's lips. Dean hesitated, staring at him suspiciously before his tongue darted out to collect the smallest drop and Sam realised he expected it to be anything but water. Dean started in surprise but then greedily gulped it down until Sam pulled the bottle away and Dean's eyes flashed black.

"Easy Dean, you can have more in a few minutes, don't want you to be sick." Sam soothed and Dean flinched and looked away but nodded. They waited silently until Sam gave the bottle back and Dean drained it. After that Sam helped him lie down and pulled the blankets up. "Sleep Dean, I won't let anyone hurt you." Sam promised and Dean stared at him even as his eyes began to slip shut.

Sam watched Dean sleep, his chest rising and falling gently, so different to the last week. Sam's hands trembled as he smoothed the blankets and then Dean's hair. Seeing Dean so jumpy…..Sam hadn't had the heart to question him about the journal. He hoped Dean was more together when he woke up so they could talk. He hated not knowing if he was going to end up having to kill the being he'd called brother for the last two years. After seeing Dean now there was no way he could ever send him back to hell, killing him would be far kinder. Dean shifted and then whimpered and Sam frowned. When Dean screamed in terror Sam began petting his hair, gently rubbing his back and Dean gasped for air before settling down into a more normal sleep. Sam stayed up all night, keeping the memories away as Dean slept.

Dean woke up feeling warm and safe and that confused him. Then he felt a familiar hand in his hair and let out a broken sob. It couldn't be him because that'd mean Sam knew the truth. Sam was a hunter, if he knew he'd hate him.

"Shh Dean, you're out. It's okay." Sam whispered and Dean slowly turned his head to look at him. "Morning Dean." Sam kept his voice quiet and calm, not sure what Dean is feeling.

"S….Sam?" Dean whispered and Sam nodded.

"It's me, remember last night?" Sam asked and Dean frowned but then nodded. "How do you feel?"

"I…." Dean shook his head and tried to move only to wince.

"Take it slow Dean, the hounds did a lot of damage, I wasn't sure you'd even be able to get your body going again after that plus a week being 'dead'." Sam told him, moving to help him sit up.

"Only a week." Dean mumbled and Sam nodded.

"Well eight days technically."

"How…how can this…"

"Be real?" Sam finished for him and Dean nodded. "I didn't think it was gonna work to be honest." He admitted and Dean stared at him. "I kind of…mix and matched ever demon summoning ritual I know." He whispered and Dean stared in disbelief. "You're ah….going to need a new driver's license."

"Why? You….you know what I am." Dean whispered and Sam nodded.

"Yeah, I remembered a few minutes after you….confused the hell out of me having conflicting memories till they got sorted."

"Sorry." Dean whispered, picking at the blanket and Sam grasped his hand, feeling Dean tense automatically before slowly relaxing.

"I also read your journal." Sam whispered and Dean nodded. "Dean…is it true? What you wrote, is it real?" Sam asked gently. "Do you love me?"

Dean looked up at him, unsure why Sam was asking that. What did it matter? He was just a worthless demon; Sam should send him back where he belonged.

"Dean tell me." Sam demanded and Dean nodded.

"L…love you Sammy." He whispered, hunching in, expecting it to fade, expecting to find jeering demons taunting him for loving a human but all that happened was Sam nodding and moving to sit beside him on the bed, pulling Dean down so his head was in Sam's lap.

_TBC…_


	4. 4

Sam just sat there; gently stroking Dean's hair as the demon slowly relaxed and began to doze. Dean loved him, Sam wasn't sure that fixed everything but it helped. Sleeping in Sam's lap apparently helped since Dean didn't even start to have a nightmare that Sam could detect. But eventually Sam had to get up. Dean reacted, black eyes snapping open as he grabbed onto Sam. "Hey, its okay, you're safe." Sam whispered and Dean looked up at him. "Was trying not to wake you, sorry." Sam told him and Dean blinked.

"Sam?"

"Yeah Dean, I'm here." Sam went back to petting Dean's hair, smiling when the black faded to reveal familiar green. "I need to get up Dean, got to use the bathroom." Sam explained and Dean shook his head, clinging so tight it hurt a little. "What's wrong Dean?"

"Leave, not real." Dean mumbled.

"Dean this is real, I'm real. You're alive and out and we're safe. The house is warded." Sam assured him, he gently pulled Dean's hands loose and lay him down on the bed, gently stroking his face and Dean leant into his touch. "I'm just going to be in the bathroom and then I'll grab some food. Do you think you can eat?" Sam asked and Dean shook his head, his organs….he could feel the damage from the hounds even with what stitching Sam had managed, it would take awhile for him to heal it. The water from earlier still felt odd inside him. "Okay, I'm not leaving the house and I'll be right back." Sam promised. Dean grabbed his hand and Sam leant in, kissing him. Dean gasped, lips parting and Sam gently coaxed a response from him, tongues tangling. The feel of the kiss was familiar but the taste wasn't, Dean tasted like sulphur and blood. Sam forced himself to ignore it and focus on the feel of Dean kissing him back desperately. Sam eventually pulled back and stared down at Dean.

"Sammy." Dean gasped and Sam smiled, nodding.

"Be back in a few minutes." Sam promised before getting up and going into the bathroom. He did what he needed to and then went to where they'd stored the food and got some out to eat, walking back to Dean with the food. He saw Dean lying utterly still and tense, eyes black but as soon as he saw Sam he relaxed, eyes going back to green. Sam sat beside him and Dean curled into him as Sam relaxed and began to eat.

"Why?" Dean asked and Sam looked at him.

"Why what Dean?"

"Why did you get me out?" Dean asked and Sam sighed.

"Several reasons. You died for me Dean; I couldn't just leave you there. I read your journal and I wanted answers, can't get them if you're there. With everything….even if it hadn't been real you saved my life so many times, I'd use Ruby's knife and end it for you rather than leave you there." Sam admitted.

"Gonna kill me?" Dean asked and Sam sighed, a hand moving to stroke Dean's hair again, revelling in the warmth of the body beside him, proof that Dean was healing. He'd heard the fear and acceptance in Dean's voice, Dean expected to be killed.

"I don't know." Sam whispered. "It's just like….it's like I've been living a lie and I need to know what's real. Part of me's screaming you're a demon and you used me, that I should kill you but….but then I remember all the times you looked after me, saved me…loved me and I…..I don't know what to do." He admitted and Dean stared up at him. "I don't know what to do Dean." He choked and Dean reached up to trace his face gently.

"Should kill me. What I did….I'm sorry Sammy." Dean whispered and he meant it, he was sorry for everything he had done to Sam, Sam hadn't deserved it. Dean stared at Sam, at the one being he'd willing die for, would kill to protect and he could see the conflict in Sam's eyes. Whatever Sam chose to do Dean would let him, anything, even true death was better than hell.

"Dean….I read your journal. How you did this to be free, how you felt about me. Not exactly flattering." Sam managed a small smile and Dean flinched.

"Didn't want to like you….I'd just gotten out of hell, everything was so different and then I got stuck with you when I wanted to do other things…took my anger out on you." Dean admitted.

"But it changed." Sam whispered and Dean nodded.

"Yeah…don't know how anyone could hate you after a while." Dean admitted and Sam flushed slightly. Dean smiled slightly and Sam moved, curling against Dean much to the demons surprise.

"You're getting warmer." Sam whispered.

"Takes time to heal so much damage." Dean answered and Sam nodded.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you do it? Sell your soul for me; you knew better than anyone what would happen to you. I'm not worth that." Sam asked and Dean stared at him.

"You are worth it Sam, I would suffer an eternity in hell to keep you safe. Other humans…." Dean shrugged. "You're different."

"What do you mean different?" Sam asked and Dean shrugged again. "Would you really have fought Azazel for me?" Sam asked and Dean nodded. "Could you have beaten him?"

"Not in a fair fight." Dean answered softly and Sam swallowed. Dean had been willing to take on a much stronger demon to keep him safe.

"I don't understand Dean, why were you sent?" Sam asked and Dean looked away. "Dean please." Sam whispered and Dean glanced at him.

"I was meant to get you to explore your powers and use them. But I couldn't…you wouldn't have been you if you had. It would have changed you."

"What do you mean?"

"You would have been Azazel's general willingly." Dean clarified and Sam swallowed.

"Right, no exploring my dormant abilities." He agreed quickly. That got a small smile from Dean and Sam smiled back.

_TBC…._


	5. 5

Dean was in shock. Sam smiled at him, kept touching him. How could Sam not hate him? He hated himself, for being what he was, for hurting Sammy. The fact that Sam was listening to him, believing him….it was more than he ever could have hoped for. He still had that nagging doubt that it wasn't real, tat any second Sam would be gone and he'd be back on the rack but even if it wasn't real it was better than reality. Dean touched Sam's hand and Sam twined their fingers together, resting their hands on Dean's shirt. His other hand gently rubbed the back of Dean's neck. Dean shuddered and pressed into Sam's hold, soaking up his body heat.

"Okay?" Sam asked gently and Dean nodded shakily. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Where….where are we?" He asked softly.

"Same house we squatted in before you….left. Figured it was safer to stay put." Sam explained, his breath warm against Dean's ear. Dean turned his head, letting his ear rest over Sam's steadily beating heart. He'd done it, he'd saved Sam. "Dean…what about Bobby? He knew you, thought you were my brother."

"He won't now. Surprised he hasn't called you." Dean admitted.

"Haven't turned my phone on." Was the answer. Dean felt Sam yawn and wriggled around in his hold, wincing when his stitches pulled. He looked at Sam, seeing the exhaustion in his features. He reached up to stroke Sam's cheek.

"You need to sleep."

"I'm fine." Sam argued and Dean shook his head.

"You're exhausted Sammy, you need sleep. I…I won't hurt you, I…I could stay in a devil's trap if you want." He offered and Sam shook his head. Sam kissed him chastely and then shifted so his head was against Dean's shoulder. He yanked the blankets up and relaxed. Dean lay frozen before slowly wrapping his arms around Sam, hugging him as he felt Sam relax into sleep. Dean watched in awe as Sam slept in his arms, he hadn't thought Sam would trust him this much, not so quickly. He would have stayed in a trap, anything for Sam to feel safe and here he was asleep in his arms. Dean relaxed but forced himself to stay awake, keeping watch while Sam slept. How much sleep had Sam gotten since he'd been sent back to hell? He had created a way to call him back in only eight days after all.

Dean held Sam the entire time he was asleep, content to just watch him sleep until Sam began to stir. Sam nuzzled at him and then pulled his head back, blinking sleepily. Dean waited, barely breathing and Sam smiled, still half asleep but very much aware of what was going on. He cuddled into Dean and kissed his cheek. "Sam?" Dean asked and Sam smiled.

"Not that much asleep Dean." He assured him before sitting up and stretching. "Feel up to eating yet?" Dean thought it over and then nodded hesitantly. "Something light." He promised and went to gather some food. Sam handed Dean a sandwich and the demon took a small bite, waiting to see how it reacted to his healing organs. When it settled alright he took another bite. Sam smiled and ate his own sandwich.

"What happens now?" Dean asked once he was done, staring at his hands.

"Don't know. Didn't think much past getting you out and talking." Sam admitted and Dean nodded. "Lilith's still out there somewhere, probably looking to kill me. Still lots of things to hunt if you want to." Sam offered and Dean looked at him.

"You mean together?" Dean asked and Sam nodded.

"I know it might take some adjusting to and stuff but…..you're not any different than you were before, I just know now."

"How…how can you trust me? After what I did….." Dean demanded warily. Sam stared at him, not caring that Dean's eyes were black, no matter what this was Dean.

"Because you're still the same Dean that died to bring me back, who held me when the visions got bad. And no matter how crazy it might be…..I still…..I love you." Sam whispered and Dean's eyes faded to green as he stared at him in shock.

"You…." Dean couldn't finish but Sam nodded.

"Doesn't mean things are the same…..I love you Dean and I think you love me. But it's going to take time if we want things the way they were before I read your journal." Sam told him.

"I do, it should be impossible but…" Dean couldn't say it but Sam nodded, understanding. Dean loved him, despite being a demon and therefore unable to love, Dean did love him. "I didn't want to, knew it would end badly, but I couldn't stop it from happening. Tried so hard to keep hating you, to treat you like a job but it didn't work. Some demon huh?"

"Personally I think you're the best demon I've ever met." Sam managed to answer and Dean actually laughed before wincing. "Do you want some painkillers?" Dean shook his head.

"Don't do a lot."

"Oh, sorry." Sam hid a wince, with those wounds Dean had to be in agony and yet he was hiding it like Sam remembered. Dean just shrugged and shifted to get more comfortable on the bed.

TBC…


	6. 6

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 6

Dean watched while reclining on the bed as Sam moved about the abandoned house. He still felt off balance and the healing wounds didn’t help his concentration much, or his power levels. But he could feel his powers returning which was good; he didn’t want to be vulnerable if someone tracked them down. He didn’t think Sam was thinking things through properly but he didn’t want to leave him. But his staying with Sam would but Sam in danger if other hunters realised he was a demon. Then again Lilith was still out there and while Dean didn’t know her plans he knew she was gunning for Sam and that was not allowed. He would not let anyone hurt Sam. He knew he wasn’t exactly the Dean he had pretended to be for Sam and he was nervous about Sam realising that and making him leave. But Sam had promised to use the knife on him rather than let him go back to hell so at least he had that.

“Dean? You okay?” Sam asked and Dean blinked back to the present. 

“Fine Sam.” He answered and Sam stared at him. “Sam….”

“Something’s bothering you Dean, come on, talk to me.” Sam sat down on the bed and Dean looked away. “Please.”

“I…I’m not him.”

“Dean?” Sam asked in confusion.

“That’s just it, I’m not Dean Winchester, I’m a demon. You’re different Sam but other humans…..it was an act.” Dean couldn’t look at him as he admitted how much like the others he was. 

Sam blinked. That was the problem? He’d sort of figured that already. And honestly Dean had never been the best at social interactions. “Dean no offence but even before I knew…..you’re interactions needed some work.” Sam grinned at him and Dean looked at him in shock. “What? You weren’t exactly polite most of the time when dealing with people.”

“Oh.”

“I always figured it was just a personality quirk, because of the way we were raised. Now I know it was because you’re a demon. It doesn’t matter. You’re not going to go around killing people, being rude and inept isn’t that bad.”

“It’s there….the urge to hurt and kill but I don’t have to give into it. It’s like this bottomless pit of rage and violence.” He admitted, not wanting to hide things from Sam anymore. Sam nodded and reached out to squeeze his hand gently. Dean stared at him and then gave a weak gin, squeezing back. Part f him still thought this was all part of the torture, that any second it would end and he’d be back on the racks but even if that was the case then he could at least enjoy what time he had with his Sam, real or not. 

``````````````````````````````````````````  
Bobby slammed the phone down in frustration and fear. Sam hadn’t answered his phone since going to face Lilith with his ‘brother’. Except now Bobby knew Sam had never had a brother, he had been an only child. So who or what had Dean been? And what had really been happening since it had slipped its way into Sam’s life? Had Sam really died or did they just think he had? There was no way to know without talking to the kid but his phone had been turned off since that night. For all he knew Sam was dead, killed by Lilith or maybe even Dean. But then he had had plenty of opportunities before so why not act before now? 

````````````````  
Sam removed the last of the stitches, running gentle hands over the red lines that were all that was left of the horrendous wounds in amazement. Dean watched him as Sam worked, letting Sam touch as much as he wanted, knowing Sam was assuring himself that Dean was there and breathing. He hated to think of Sam putting those stitches into his corpse thought he fact he had done it when he had know what Dean was……he started as a tear fell onto his bare thigh and then lifted his hand to gently brush through Sam’s hair. “Don’t cry Sammy.” He whispered and Sam looked up at him. “I’m here and I’m out because of you.” He continued and then Sam lunged up to kiss him and Dean wrapped his arms around him, holding him close so they could both feel the other was alive and safe. Sam broke down into sobs and Dean held him, letting him grieve. Sure he hated ‘chick flicks’ but this was different, this was Sam. 

“Sorry.” Sam mumbled when he finally pulled back and went to remove the last stitches.

“For what?” Dean asked and Sam just looked at him so he shrugged. “Figured it was coming. Pretty sure you’re allowed to be a mess with the whole learning your brothers actually a demon who had you under a spell and then went back to hell to save you.” That got a snort from Sam so Dean grinned. Sam yanked the last stitch and sat back to examine his work. “Don’t worry about the crooked lines Sam, they’ll heal.”

“Totally?” Sam asked in amazement and Dean nodded.

“Couple of months there’ll be no sign of them.”

“So the other scars?”

“The body already had them for years, no clue where from.” Dean admitted. 

“The body….”

“Is empty except for me Sammy, has been the whole time, promise. Guy was brain dead in a hospital when I got him. He was a John Doe too.” Dean told him and Sam relaxed, it was a relief to know some poor guy hadn’t been dragged into this mess. Dean smiled slightly at him and then stood up to stretch, enjoying the fact he was pain free and no longer had stitches pulling whenever he moved. He offered a hand to Sam who took it and Dean easily pulled him up, Sam’s eyes widening. “There are some perks to this.” Dean grinned and his shirt leapt into his hand. 

“Yeah, I’m starting to see that.” Sam agreed and it was so tempting for Dean to make a remark on another perk but he held it in, he didn’t want to push Sam and risk losing him after all. Sam would let him know when he was ready for their relationship to go back to the way it had been. Sam grabbed Dean’s jeans and tossed them at him before flopping onto the bed. “So…..how old are you really?” He asked curiously and Dean lay down beside him.

“Not sure, time in hell is a lot different to up here. I think…….what flashes I have from being human lacked cars so……”

“Wow.” Sam stared at him in awe. “Cradle robber.” He teased and Dean grinned, relieved Sam wasn’t upset that Dean was considerably older. “Flashes….so you remember some stuff from being human?”

“Not really, just some vague images, impression. I don’t think I had a family, no cars…” Dean shrugged.

“You have family now.” Sam whispered, shifting to cuddle against him and Dean smiled, wrapping an arm around him. 

“Wouldn’t trade it for the world.” Dean whispered back, holding him tightly. 

`````````````````  
Dean looked around the abandoned and then at his packed bag. It was time to leave but honestly? He didn’t want to. As soon as they left they’d have demons and who knew what else after them. He would read as a demon now too, no more immunity to holy water and devils traps. “Ready?” Dean looked up and found Sam lounging in the doorway, his own bag over his shoulder and the Impala’s keys in his hand. Sam tossed them and Dean caught them in confusion. 

“But she’s yours.”

Sam shrugged. “To me the Impala was always just a car, you made it home.” Dean blinked but nodded and picked his bag up, taking a deep breath before crossing the wards that had kept them hidden for the last two months. “Okay?” Sam asked gently and Dean nodded, walking over to the Impala and running his hand over it. 

“She needs a good wash.” 

Sam shook his head but dumped his bag in the trunk. “Well since we haven’t left the house since…..I’ll help you wash her when we get back to civilisation.” He promised as he got in. Dean got in and gently started the engine before getting onto the road. Being back in the Impala with Sam beside him felt so right. He smiled when Sam’s hand moved to rest on his thigh, squeezing gently in understanding of what Dean was feeling. 

TBC…..


	7. 7

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 7

Dean carefully drove down the highway, glancing over at a sleeping Sam occasionally. It all felt so unreal still that he was back with Sam. And he hated to admit it but he was scared, he was no longer shielded from detection which put them both in a lot of danger. Even if other hunters didn’t know the truth and just though Dean Winchester had broken and turned demon in record time they would be out to end him. Plus there were those that knew about Sam’s abilities. Add in all the demons that would want a piece of them…well the odds were not in their favour. So how the hell could Sam be sleeping so peacefully next to him? He was one crazy human. 

Before meeting Sam Dean had only been around a handful of humans since becoming a demon, living ones anyway. Did the souls he had tortured in hell count? He’d possessed his body in its hospital bed, scaring the staff half to death. Then there had been those he had come across on his way to find Sam. He hadn’t killed any of them, too focused on his mission and his promised reward to want to mess things up. After meeting Sam he had forced himself to act like the humans around him as much as possible and it had been hard at first but time and practice had made things easier. But now that Sam knew the truth he could be himself as long as he didn’t hurt anyone. Despite the danger they were in he couldn’t remember ever feeling happier or freer. Nothing in his faded human memories could possibly compare. 

“Dean?” The sleepy call had him smiling as he glanced over at Sam. 

“Hey sleepyhead.” He teased and Sam stretched. 

“Where are we?”

“Pretty much the middle of nowhere.”

“So no chance of a motel?” Sam sat up better and looked around. 

“Sorry.”

“No problem Dean.” Sam shifted to lean against him and Dean couldn’t help smiling slightly at the contact. Dean drove silently, not bothering with ‘his’ tapes for once. He was perfectly content with Sam leaning sleepily against him. 

`````````````````````````````````  
Dean frowned as he looked at the usual protections. Protections that would now affect him. But without them Sam would be at risk. 

The door opened and Sam walked in with their dinner. “Dean? What’s wrong?” Dean just pointed at the supplies and let his eyes flicker black and Sam’s eyes widened. “Not a problem.” He grinned and dug out a book, tossing it to Dean who frowned but opened it to the marked page.

Green eyes widened in surprise and he looked at Sam in shock and awe. “You….you really thought this out.”

“Of course.” Sam just shrugged and began getting out what they needed. When the time came Dean let a few drops of blood drip into the herbal mixture and then watched as Sam painted symbols around the windows and door. Once he was done they sat down to eat dinner before curling together in bed. Dean wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist and Sam curled into him, already drowsy. Dean kissed his forehead and closed his eyes. Now that he was healed be didn’t really need sleep but it felt good to just rest with Sam. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Bobby threw another book aside angrily. Sam still wasn’t answering his phone and Bobby couldn’t find any way to track him down. It terrified him that Sam had been out of contact for so long, what if the closest person he had to a son was dead? The mystery of ‘Dean Winchester’ still bothered him too. Who and what was he? How had he made them all think he was John’s son and had always been there? 

Tbc…


End file.
